Dear Editor,
Imagine having to live in an arrangement that negatively affected one’s physical and mental wellbeing— an arrangement that could affect one’s academic performance, which also affects college and job opportunities later in life.
No one would ever want to be subjected to this kind of lifestyle, especially when he or she knows that there is a better arrangement that keeps his or her best interest in mind, but many children in divorces are forced to endure it every single day.
Children ages 12 to 17 have spent the majority of their lives with their parents and are mature enough to know which custody arrangement would be best for them in the long run. Because of this, they have the best idea of which parent would be favorable to have custody, or recognize the most ideal custody arrangement.
Children ages 12-17 should be able to decide custody arrangement.
Having lived with both parents, children probably have the best idea of the most ideal custody arrangement. As long as both parents are capable in the eyes of the children, scientific studies show that joint custody works well. However, if both parents are not capable in the eyes of the child, it will do more harm to their school performance and stress them out. In the article, “Kids’ voices left out of custody decisions”, 9-year-old Leah Calder says, “I never really wanted to go with my dad, because I had always been attached to my mom.” She also explains that she was upset whenever she had to stay with her dad. Clearly, children, even very young ones, have a preferable custody arrangement in mind.
Being forced to live in an unfavorable living situation can put a strain on the child’s academics. Usually, courts don’t like to award joint custody, but it has been proven that children perform better in school that are in joint custody arrangements, rather than those in sole custody. In the USA Today article, “Joint Custody Best for Kids After Divorce,” it states that kids have “better family relations and better school performance.”
If the children are left worrying about who they live with, they don’t focus as much on schoolwork. When the “wrong” parent is awarded custody, the child feels defeated and they start to give up on most aspects in life, school especially. There is no doubt that being placed in a bad custody arrangement can cause them to fall behind.
Being placed in a bad custody arrangement can be detrimental to the child’s mental health and wellbeing. In an article called, “Ask Lawyer Linda Silver Dranoff,” it states that a parent with sole custody controls the child’s schooling, medical treatments and religious education. If the child and the parent with sole custody don’t agree on these matters, it drives a wedge between the two’s relationship. This frustration with the parent causes the child to be extremely stressed. Others may argue that kids are quick to use stress as an excuse for problems that one has caused themselves, but divorce is something that the child has no control over. An article from Time magazine states that in a study, “150,000 12- and 15-year-old students—each in either 6th grade or 9th grade—and studied their psychosomatic health problems, including sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, loss of appetite, headaches, stomachaches and feeling tense, sad or dizzy.”
Children who lived in a complete family (both parents and all siblings) rarely experienced any of these health problems, but the same cannot be said for children in a divorce. Clearly the stress caused by divorces can lead to mental health problems that eventually could affect their physical health.
Some may also suggest that the child request for guardian ad litem. Guardian ad litem is someone who represents minors or the mentally handicapped in court. While this is a much more reliable alternative to having a child testify in court, it is simply not possible for everyone to acquire. Divorces are expensive as is, now just imagine having to pony up an additional $1,500 at least just to have the children represented in a case dealing with their custody. If the child could just speak on their own behalf in court, their parents wouldn’t be digging a deeper financial hole. Clearly, a parent shouldn’t have to spend big bucks just so that someone else can represent them in court.
Kids ages 12-17 should have the most say in which parent is awarded custody. In order to prevent the child from falling behind in school and suffering from mental health problems, they should have the ultimate decision in custody arrangements.
—Shelby Stith
(Ed. note: The preceding letter was written for an assignment in Debb Proctor’s Freshman English class. Please send any responses to theis letter to *protected email*)