Dear Editor,
Onward Mitch the tortoise blundered, at the annual Bayou 500, while the Hair refused to cut him any slack. The tortoise stayed in familiar trail, constantly passed by glaciers and snails, and every lap the Hair had to dodge stabs in the back.
The vast swamp critter pack, hugged the left side of the track, down where the mire is much thicker. The crowd implored the tortoise to grow a pair, and try a bit harder to keep up with the Hair, but those with our spines can’t really move any quicker.
All the swamp Rinos were busily cryin’, that indeed they were really tryin’, but there was no way they could pick up their pace. They dearly love the circumstance and pomp, of their privileged life in the swamp, and they will oppose all efforts to drain the beloved place.
It seems the swamp critters are nose blind to the smell, that drifts across the country from the place where they dwell, and the swamp will remain filled right up to the top of the brim. Each and every swamp media parasite, has gladly joined in this epic fight. To deal with the Hair and to crucify him.
It’s clear that the crowd is going to have to do their best, to help evict the swamp critters out of their comfy old nest, where for so long they have false promised and plundered. Folks will have to get out their own easy chair, to aid the cause of the swamp draining Hair, if they expect him to win the checkered flag at the Bayou 500.
—Jim Darlington