Over the past few months, I’ve been contemplating a couple of incidents that occurred in January involving basketball coaches and parents.
In Ohio and Minnesota, a few coaches’ actions have caught the attention of the national media – not because they committed some atrocity against a young person, but because they’ve finally had enough of parents.
The coach’s story from Brainerd, Minn. embodies the sad reality of how difficult coaching has become today. Scott Stanfield began coaching after serving as a police officer for 30 years, yet after only seven years as the head basketball coach, he resigned because he couldn’t take the treatment he received from parents any longer.
If anyone is wondering what it’s like being a high school coach, the way Stanfield compared coaching to being a police officer speaks volumes.
“The basketball emotional stress was way worse than being a cop, I feel defenseless as a coach,” were his words.
He was defenseless against parental pressure regarding playing time. He was confronted multiple times– often heatedly– by parents about their child’s time on the court, and it just got to be too much.
He also spoke the sad truth that coaches know all too well… “That is the number one reason without question that coaches are leaving.”
The story from Ohio, while also a sad situation, is a little more satisfying for coaches everywhere who have experienced the difficulty of dealing with parents, because these coaches are taking action that is long overdue.
Four varsity coaches who work for a private school have filed a lawsuit against four parents for libel and slander.
The coaches are claiming lost revenue due to anonymous emails sent out defaming their character and accusing them of bullying. There was an investigation conducted and no evidence substantiating the claims was found. However, because of these allegations, the coaches were unable to host summer camps, so they are seeking damages in the amount of $25,000.
I say, good for them because their situation is one that is all too familiar.
I think it’s about time that parents who go after a coach because they are disgruntled about their child’s playing time had to answer for their actions.
I know coaches who have had been physically accosted. There have been anonymous letters sent to school boards accusing them of bullying, and parents have gone directly to superintendents without so much as a mention to either the coaches or the athletic director when they’ve had a problem.
Because of playing time, parents threatened the reputations and careers of these coaches– not only their coaching career, but also their teaching career.
Folks really need to remember that most kids aren’t going any further with their sports’ careers than high school, and the life lessons they are learning through those four years are what they will take with them as they go out into the world.
What do we want those lessons to be?
I would like people to understand the sacrifices coaches make to work with other people’s children— the hours they spend away from their family, the miles and miles spent on a bus, the sleep lost reviewing film and the time spent in the off-season preparing kids for the next year.
Believe me, they don’t do it for the money.
I will guarantee that I have never known a coach who does not love every kid on their team, and who wouldn’t defend them as if they were their own child. When one of their players are in trouble, it’s not just their parents who worry. The coach does as well.
I’m also tired of people throwing around the word “bully” like confetti. Every time someone is falsely accused of bullying, it diminishes the response in those instances when bullying actually does occur. If you go out for a varsity sport, you should expect to get yelled at.
Similarly, if you aren’t one of the top players on the team, you should expect that you aren’t going to get as much playing time. Parents must force themselves to watch the game without bias and realize the skills their child has in comparison to those playing ahead of him or her. Or, if their child has skills that match other players, are those that are seeing more court time older? If that’s the case, they may just need to wait their turn.
Another thing to keep in mind is that every player on that court is someone’s child, so when you are demanding that your child plays, someone else’s will have to sit. Then there’s another unhappy parent.
Most importantly, parents need to gut up and actually have a conversation with a coach they are having issues with, rather than send anonymous emails or letters, or going to administrators or the board with their first complaint.
I hope these coaches win their lawsuit and I hope it sends a message, loud and clear, that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated anymore.
Shortal, J. (January 18, 2018). Brainerd coach resigns because some parents just wouldn’t quit. Kare 11 News. Retrieved from http://www.kare11.com/article/news/brainerd-coach-resigns-because-some-parents-just-wouldnt-quit/89-509296190.
Smith, C. (January 19, 2018) Ohio coaches sue parents for slander and libel, seek more than $25,000. USA TODAY. Retrieved from http://usatodayhss.com/2018/ohio-coaches-sue-parents-for-slander-and-libel-seek-more-than-25000.